I am looking for a terrible girlfriend for one week to restore my happiness in being single. Now that I have joined work, and started living in Mumbail, I see people married, just engaged, and in a relationship (and tying up all the phone lines). I was content to be single all now, but now that I have been exposed to all these happy people in relationships, I'm starting to wonder if I need one too.
In my head, I know I don't, but let's make this concrete with an experience. This is where you come in. I need you around for one week in the role of a bad girlfriend to renew my glee in being single.
My requirements of you:
-You must be attractive. Sorry, but if this is to work out for me, you have to be a pretty girl who is nice to look at but a total bitch otherwise.
-Be very needy. Call me several times a day, checking where I am, who I'm with, etc.
-Have excessive manners not found anywhere outside Victorian England. When we go out, I want you nag me to use my napkin, tell to tip like your father, and, never open doors yourself, that sort of thing.
-It would be nice if you have feminist leanings so we can get into fun arguments
-Never let me even look at the shadow of another girl. Shout when any girl comes within 2 kilometres of me.
-Never let me talk.
-Never pay for anything (reasonable pre-agreed-to limit, exception: see below).
-Insist on taking a cab everywhere, even for less than a kilometre.
-Criticise all my outfits.
-Have wildly inaccurate information and unfounded opinions. It is your mission that you are right about everything, conversely, I am wrong about everything.
-Don't let me talk to any of my long-time male friends.
-Steal something of mine. I will set out one designated thing that you must steal from my house. You will steal this and nothing else.
-Don't be too upset when I end things after a week (and part of this deal is that I am the one to break things off). You know what you're getting into and do not form any untoward bond.
After the week is up we can either be friends and laugh about this, or we can pretend that we've never met and ignore each other if we happen to meet in a public place.
What do you get out of it?
At least 5 nights out (you pay your half, sorry. I am not rich). One stolen item (of my choosing). A good story to tell people later. Satisfaction that you are also single. A chance to vent your spleen. A dissatisfying tryst for both of us.
You'd be a fool to pass up this opportunity!
In Mumbai only
(modified from craigslist
, I am not all that creative)