Friday, September 23, 2005

Conferences on Friday Evenings are bummer

I am just back from a CxO meet organized by a famous lobby group and a very famous research group. There were presentations by 2 people, two VPs of that group. What I know about Americans/Europeans from TV and movies is not at all true. Everybody looks light brown on TV, but these guys were the pinkest I've seen. Pinker than the Spanish guy I met at the Gateway of India when I moved to Mumbai. They talk as if their noses were stuffed, I could understand what they said, but it appeared like they were talking in a silly voice, like my cousin talks My boss sat for just one presentation (by the first VP) and left. He had a lot of work. But, the sales guys went out within 15 mintues after my boss left. Must've been over their head. My company has the laziest sales team I've ever seen. One wanted my boss to 'just include his name' whenever he writes a paper, and the other one says he doesn't do anything other than what is said, because people then expect him to do something. People ask him to work? That must be horrible! While our biggest competitor was there, handing out business cards to all the CIOs present there, and working, they went out 'for a smoke.'I met them outside and they say to me, 'let them meet 20 people. What's the big deal? I will get 20 of them as clients'. They blew up the one chance they had to meet top 15 or 20 executives at one place, for free!

After that, I came back to the company and saw the common newspaper lying in the lobby. I picked it up and started reading it, when this duffer programmer comes up and 'asks' if he can have it. I said, I just started reading it man, and he goes to another guy and started cribbing about me. He starts badmouthing me in Hindi/Marathi to the other programmer, not knowing I knew Hindi. I don't know what I did to offend him! I've barely talked to that idiot. There was one guy leaving our company to join some MNC. I asked him how much of increase there would be in his salary (expecting something like 80% or 90%), the previous guys pips in and says 'X Lakhs, X Lakhs'. I guess he did that to deride me or something. I just smiled, he has worked 4x as long as I have and it was still about 25% less than what I get. Umm... Yeah!

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Looking for a terrible girlfriend for one week

I am looking for a terrible girlfriend for one week to restore my happiness in being single. Now that I have joined work, and started living in Mumbail, I see people married, just engaged, and in a relationship (and tying up all the phone lines). I was content to be single all now, but now that I have been exposed to all these happy people in relationships, I'm starting to wonder if I need one too.

In my head, I know I don't, but let's make this concrete with an experience. This is where you come in. I need you around for one week in the role of a bad girlfriend to renew my glee in being single.

My requirements of you:
-You must be attractive. Sorry, but if this is to work out for me, you have to be a pretty girl who is nice to look at but a total bitch otherwise.
-Be very needy. Call me several times a day, checking where I am, who I'm with, etc.
-Have excessive manners not found anywhere outside Victorian England. When we go out, I want you nag me to use my napkin, tell to tip like your father, and, never open doors yourself, that sort of thing.
-It would be nice if you have feminist leanings so we can get into fun arguments
-Never let me even look at the shadow of another girl. Shout when any girl comes within 2 kilometres of me.
-Never let me talk.
-Never pay for anything (reasonable pre-agreed-to limit, exception: see below).
-Insist on taking a cab everywhere, even for less than a kilometre.
-Criticise all my outfits.
-Have wildly inaccurate information and unfounded opinions. It is your mission that you are right about everything, conversely, I am wrong about everything.
-Don't let me talk to any of my long-time male friends.
-Steal something of mine. I will set out one designated thing that you must steal from my house. You will steal this and nothing else.
-Don't be too upset when I end things after a week (and part of this deal is that I am the one to break things off). You know what you're getting into and do not form any untoward bond.

After the week is up we can either be friends and laugh about this, or we can pretend that we've never met and ignore each other if we happen to meet in a public place.

What do you get out of it?

At least 5 nights out (you pay your half, sorry. I am not rich). One stolen item (of my choosing). A good story to tell people later. Satisfaction that you are also single. A chance to vent your spleen. A dissatisfying tryst for both of us.

You'd be a fool to pass up this opportunity!

In Mumbai only

(modified from craigslist, I am not all that creative)

Monday, September 19, 2005

Psycho Finance person

[Antione Bechara], an associate professor of neurology at the University of Iowa, said the best stock market investors might plausibly be called "functional psychopaths."
I know atleast one person in this company, and atleast ten people in my b-school, who I thought could be somewhat crazy. This study just proves my hypotheses right :) I feel the same way about the accountant lady too.
The result was those with brain damage outperformed those without.
Maybe this is why I am so afraid of the sharemarket.
Fellow author, Baba Shiv of Stanford Graduate School of Business said many company chiefs and top lawyers may also show they share the same trait.
Interesting, a study was made about a year back by Discovery (Channel) on Psycho Bosses. Does this mean I can't be a successful boss?