Thursday, April 25, 2019

Non-Immigrant Truth

Due to a screw up with my “employer” I earn money to do nothing.
The title is inaccurate. I didn’t earn anything. I am paid. You’ll see why shortly.
No one knows what I do. I don’t know what I do. I do nothing. All day long.
I’m “confessing” this because I don’t know where else to tell my story, and I’ve never told anyone anything ever. Not even family.
What prompted this, is I received a new iPhone that I didn’t order in the mail, with unlimited high bandwidth data. I also got a certificate stating I had ten years of loyal corporate service with a particular Fortune 100 company, and now eligible for something like five weeks of paid vacation a year, not counting numerous corporate perks for key employees like myself.
I’m a corporate drone who keeps his head down. I’m invisible.
I haven’t been to the office in eight years.
It started at my old company when they melted down and went bankrupt and absorbed by a competitor, so they laid me off and paid me to keep my mouth shut about the 2006 nonsense.
I went and got a new job; it’s doing drone like corporate work in financial services. Then three amazing coincidences happened. I didn’t know it at the time, but they were under investigation for some slightly fraudulent things that was in the news, just standard financial nonsense in the industry.
So they had fired a ton of people to clean house, changed some protocols to make the Feds happy, which is why I was contracted. After contracting for awhile, they laid off more people, and I was “forced” to roll permanent, which I hate. Rolling perm means less money, but I figured this company would melt down too shortly, so why not.
So I went perm, and the person who hired me was fired that week, and second, everyone but me on the team was fired, and third whatever we did was being done by automation or absorbed by others. So I didn’t have a lot to do. I had a lot of dotted line type bosses, since what I used to do affected a lot of departments, but I didn’t do any actual “work”, and no one asked me to do anything.
The division was spun off into its own billion dollar concern, then absorbed back into the parent company, to keep the liability levels down when Johnny Law gets curious. Each time, they give out stock grants or give tender offers above the current value, and like a good corporate drone I keep maxing out my employee stock profit share whatever thing to buy company stock at a discount so each time I come out well. I max out my 401k. I have every benefit that’s offered.
Since I was bored and had nothing to do, I would do odd jobs for other groups. Then that got automated, but somehow I’d get the credit as somehow being involved in it.
With all the layoffs and mergers anyone that knew me has been removed, arrested, jumped ship, or been laid off. I think the whole place has been taken over by an AI system and there are no more humans. I honestly have no idea. I’ve written glowing annual performance reviews and rated myself as horrible to see what would happen. I’ve written haikus in the “additional comments” section, but it’s always the same COLA annual delta regardless.
I started “working” from home often. Then stopped showing up entirely. No one noticed or said anything. I would ignore meetings just to see what would happen. Nothing.
I just went on vacations, a three day weekend here and there. Then travelled around the world a half dozen times. Nothing, just regular direct deposits kept coming. A healthy 401k match, nice stock options. W2 at the end of the year. Tons of standard corporate perks. I just moved $250k into bonds to hedge against some emerging market investments. I’ve earned none of it.
I’ve basically retired from a career I never had. I’m hoping I continue to get paid after I’m dead.
When people ask what I do, I usually tell them I’m unemployed. I don’t know how to answer the question. On official forms I say I’m a “consultant”. People assume I won the lottery or deal drugs, as I am always available to do things and travel a lot.
I wanted to buy a condo so I got a second job for a year. I bought my condo for cash. Now I have fewer bills and save even more money. All from working hard doing nothing.
In all the “employer” has paid out over two million dollars in salary and benefits for me to use their iPhone and bandwidth to binge watch Netflix and porn. I’m writing this on it now from a bar off Times Square on a “vacation”. I started drinking at 10:30am.
I have no idea where my employee badge is and would need FBI forensics to locate it. If found I wouldn’t use it, for fear of it triggering questions. If I do anything it might expose my “crimes” and I’ll be found out.
So no one was murdered, I didn’t cheat on a wife, and this is barely a “confession” other than I’m a useless corporate weasel sucking off the corporate tit. I’m not even sure they could sue me to get their money back as they never told me to do anything.
I get paid $120,000 a year and do nothing. My life is meaningless.


Edit: for those who think this is made up, I don’t know what to say. I can’t (and won’t) prove it, and not even sure how I would do so. This isn’t meant to slam some /r/hailcorporate type nonsense, some subtle stab at capitalism, or any of that shilling. I really do nothing. They keep sending me phone upgrades and I check my email once a week or so, and all I have is the standard corporate dross one gets at large businesses, message from the CEO and that crap.
It was a comedy of errors where I did something on the periphery of everyone but never had anything to do.
As a parallel, and not what I did, imagine you did Linux helpdesk support. Then they switch to using Windows, but to maintain “something” you needed to have a Linux support person on staff, so you keep them around but they do something else, now subtract the “something else”. Now manage a resource that has nothing to do but you can’t fire them. Sort of like that.
As far as the “legal” issues, I do 100% of the tasks assigned to me, which are zero. I don’t see how I’m doing anything fraudulent. I’m not shirking my responsibilities, I’m given none. It’s not my job to seek out things to do.
I asked /r/legaladvice and this was their opinion.
So reddit’s Legal firm thinks I’m ok. For what it’s worth. .
Edit2: awarded a silver for confessing that I do nothing for six figures. What? Too cheap to spring for gold or platinum?

Monday, September 17, 2018

I have become a forgotten employees for a few months at my job.

This is in Texas.
About a year ago I was "fired" for something I did not do. Basically they thought I was stealing from the company and had me fired in the system before they informed me in person.
When they caught the real thief, literally 5 minutes before I got the axe, I got called into HR where they apologized to me profusely and told me they would be working to reinstate me without losing my tenure or my vacation time. They asked me if there was anything they could do in the mean time. I asked for the vacation right then and there which made HR real happy because me being gone for 2 weeks made it easy for them to unfuck the situation.
While on vacation I broke my leg and was wheelchair bound for a month. When I informed HR of this they offered me the satellite office for temporary use since it was literally one block away and I could get there safely using my wheelchair.
The company had a satellite office close to my house that was basically just 2 rooms. One had a desk power socket and internet access and the other was the bathroom. The office was purchased for an exec who was wheelchair bound because of cancer. The office stayed empty for a few months when her cancer went terminal and eventually she passed on. When I was offered it they moved my PC and everything out there getting me set up.
That was the last time I have had any face to face with anyone in the company. Even after my leg healed I did not return to the normal building. I stayed in the office until HR wanted to move someone else in.
Well that never came. Five months ago my department was shuttered. My boss, several employees, and a few other management people were quietly let go. Some kind of thing happened at the top that caused a lot of people to be let go. By this time I was pretty much using the office as a second home and had not had any real contact with anyone outside of emails and the occasional phone call.
Once this happened I was just coming in to work everyday completing my tasks until they stopped coming. Then I just came in every day waiting until the hammer fell. It never did.
I have been coming in every single day, walking since its only a 5 minute walk unless its raining, hooking up my gaming laptop and hopping on discord with my friends to play. Sometimes I will bring my ps4 or xbone into the office and play that too.
I have been using this office and collecting a paycheck for the last 5ish months with no contact other than the company wide emails and former coworkers of mine calling me asking how things are going. To put it into context of how much I have stopped caring, when I told my girlfriend about my job situation she came to visit me at work. I will keep it G rated here for you guys and will let you use your imaginations as to the nature of her visit. I do not state this to brag but merely to pain the picture of how things are at my current "job"
All of this brings us to today. I have been using my free time to also study for several PC certs and have finally acquired them. I am getting job offers for a few places that will be a pretty big step up from my current position.
What are the pros and cons of taking the new jobs without "quitting" my first job? I know that technically I am currently in the clear legally. But I want to know if that changes if I start working at another job and collecting two paychecks? I am guessing very much yes but wanted to know more. Does the situation change if one of the companies allows me to work from home and I use my office to work at both jobs?
Yes I know I am being incredibly greedy but I am legitimately wondering here cause its like a very lucky situation I find myself in and it would be a complete waste to throw it away without a good reason. As in I could get in legal trouble is a very good reason to throw it all away and work at the new job.

I post this a year ago.
Since that time I got denied for the second job and basically been coasting by until I landed another position and turned in my two weeks notice.
Recently I found a position at a tech firm that will allow me to work from home, is easier than what I used to do, and pays more. Basically tired of doing nothing even though Im getting paid for it.
The day after I mailed the keys to the satellite office back to the corporate office I got a phone call exactly at 8 AM. The head of HR for the former company wanted to speak with me in person. I asked her if there were any issues such as equipment that was not returned. She stated that there were no issues like that. They just had some questions about my job function over the last year.
I told her that they should have that information as head of HR and promptly disconnected stating I had to return back to work. She called back at 12:05 exactly.
I have been ducking her calls ever since. Her voicemails state that I am required to come into her office to discuss a few things. My emails with her have asked if there is anything that needs to be returned or issues with company property. Each time I am assured it is nothing like that, but that they need me to come into their office to discuss this with me in person. She calls at least once per day.
I am thinking I just need to ignore her until she either escalates or goes away.
How incredibly bad is that plan? Before anyone says it. I know... I know ok I should have quit a long time ago. I did not.
EDIT: Texas

Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Why claiming vegan diet is best is bullshit

Lots of cultures have used low- or no-meat diets. The Ganges valley, ancient Egypt, China, much of eary Europ, etc.

Notice anything in common there?

They're all very, very wet. Plants that are edible for humans grow readily.

They also had intense hierarchies where elites could just tell the lower classes they weren't allowed to eat meat- whether via religious teachings, custom, or just straight-up economic exploitation to where animal protein was unattainable. But that's a whole different discussion.

On the other hand, lots of cultures have used mostly- or all-animal diets.

E.g. the Bedouin, Mongols, Maasai, Inuit, etc.

What do these have in common? They're in places that are either very dry or very cold. Either the plants that grow are very sparse & tough, or none at all.

Humans can only digest specific types of plant matter. We need tender stems, leaves, & fruit; enlarged seeds; or energy storing roots.

The entire rest of the plant is inedible for us. Stalk, branch, dry leaves, etc.

And without intense irrigation, the *only* plants that grow in dry areas are entirely made of things that humans can't digest. They're almost entirely cellulose. Tough stalks, fibrous leaves covered in wax and hair, thorns, etc.

That's why we call these areas "scrub." The only use humans can make of the natural vegetation is to scrub pots.

But... cows, sheep, goats, horses, bison, deer, camels, & other ruminants can digest all of it.

That's what those 3- and 4-chambered stomachs are for. These animals GI tracts are fermentation chambers full of microflora that break long, tough cellulose molecules down into sugars and fatty acids that the cow can use.

We can't do that. We eat straw, we just poop out straw.

That's why peoples living in deserts, scrub, & dry grasslands aren't vegetarian. They'd starve. They kept close to the animals that can digest what grows there: ruminants.

(the oceanic food chain that Inuit & other maritime peoples are looped into is a whole 'nother discussion.)

Traditional vegetarian societies are trotted out to showcase that low/no-meat diets are possible. But it's done w/o recognition as to why *those particular* societies did it, and others did not.

Paying attention to local environment is a huge part of sustainability, and yet sustainability movements don't always do so well at that.

We can also fall short by failing to recognize that for dry regions, the bottleneck in productivity isn't land. It's water.

As an absentee landowner, you may or may not be aware of how much irrigation water it takes to grow vegetables in a desert.

Math time.

Let's start w cows. Best figures for cow carrying capacity in landscape similar to Chihuahua are for dry part of CO. Double that for Chihuahua's longer growing season, and 10 cows would need about 73 acres to live on. (Wild scrub w no irrigation.)

Source: Land requirements for grass raised cattle

Cool, we don't have to irrigate to feed those cows. All we have to do is give them drinking water.

How much? A cow needs about 18.5 gal/day, so 10 of them for a year need about 67,000 gallons.

Source: Water requirements for cattle

67,000 gallons is a decent amount of water.

Now let's look at how much it takes to grow vegetables on that same land.

Most plant crops need about an acre-inch of water per week.

For the non-farmers and absentee landlords following along, an acre-inch is just how much water it takes to cover an acre of land 1" deep.

It's about 27,000 gallons.

An acre of crops needs that every single week

Chihuahua's got this amazing long growing season. So let's say a veggie, grain, soybean, or other plant protein farm in Chihuahua's got crops in the ground 40 weeks out of the year.

73 acres x 40 weeks x 27,000 gallons/week = 79 MILLION gallons of water.

That's a thousand times more water.

It takes a thousand times more water to grow an acre of crops for human consumption, than it takes to grow an acre of cow on wild range.

Again, as an absentee farm owner you may or may not be aware already. But for audience at home, most of Chihuahua's irrigation water comes from the Río Conchos.

This river's drying up so hard that it's the subject of a dedicated WWF preservation project.

Source: Saving water, saving the river: Chihuahua, Mexico

"But that's not a fair comparison. An acre of crops can feed 10x as many people as an acre of cattle."

Exactly. A crop-only diet can feed 10x as many people. But it takes 1000x as much water.

In places where there's limited land and a surplus of water, it makes a lot of sense to optimize for land. So there, grow & eat crops.

And in places where there's a lot of land and limited water, it makes sense to optimize for water. So there, grow & eat ruminants.

It's really interesting to me that the conversation around vegetarianism & the environment is so strongly centered on an assumptions that every place in the world is on the limited land/surplus plan.

You know what region that describes really well? Northwestern Europe.

In many ways, viewing low/no-meat diets as the One True Sustainable Way is very much a vestige of colonialism. It found a farmway that works really well in NW Europe, assumed it must be universal, and tries to apply it to places where it absolutely does not pencil out.

From a Canadian friend

There are two major problems with our people.

1. Hypocrisy- They want to be called Canadian, but would totally hate the ideas of freedom that Canadian culture promotes. They would do every single thing to be called Canadians, from adopting fake accents (which is given away when they use terms like' Kajijji' ) to hailing for Blue Jays, without even knowing the actual history of the game. I swear I see people trying so hard to blend in the actual Canadian culture, but when it comes to implementing sex education in the public school curriculums, or events like pride parade, all their farzi sanskars start acting out of nowhere.

I was just talking to some really old man from India, who probably came here as a refugee. His words, and I quote, " Aa Justin Trudeau ne gand paya hoya hai ethha. Galt Cheejan Pdhaan di ki lod hai jwaka nu"

He was so against the idea of creating awareness about topics like, reproduction, sex, contraception that currently you can see him promoting conservatives in Brampton very actively.

Man you are living in the Americas. Can we expect you to support the ideas of the land that actually 'gave you refuge'?

2. Denial- Indians will always stay in Denial mode.
You show them there mistakes, the reality. They always take it on their ego, or deshbhakti or religion or their sanskaars.

The thing here is, I feel so hopeless these days, that I literally escaped India, because it is unsafe, corrupt, people judge you for your clothes, people judge you for your career, for your life choices, and here I am. Where these things have started showing up gradually.