Due to a screw up with my “employer” I earn money to do nothing.

https://old.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/bhayt8/due_to_a_screw_up_with_my_employer_i_earn_money/
The title is inaccurate. I didn’t earn anything. I am paid. You’ll see why shortly.
No one knows what I do. I don’t know what I do. I do nothing. All day long.
I’m “confessing” this because I don’t know where else to tell my story, and I’ve never told anyone anything ever. Not even family.
What prompted this, is I received a new iPhone that I didn’t order in the mail, with unlimited high bandwidth data. I also got a certificate stating I had ten years of loyal corporate service with a particular Fortune 100 company, and now eligible for something like five weeks of paid vacation a year, not counting numerous corporate perks for key employees like myself.
I’m a corporate drone who keeps his head down. I’m invisible.
I haven’t been to the office in eight years.
It started at my old company when they melted down and went bankrupt and absorbed by a competitor, so they laid me off and paid me to keep my mouth shut about the 2006 nonsense.
I went and got a new job; it’s doing drone like corporate work in financial services. Then three amazing coincidences happened. I didn’t know it at the time, but they were under investigation for some slightly fraudulent things that was in the news, just standard financial nonsense in the industry.
So they had fired a ton of people to clean house, changed some protocols to make the Feds happy, which is why I was contracted. After contracting for awhile, they laid off more people, and I was “forced” to roll permanent, which I hate. Rolling perm means less money, but I figured this company would melt down too shortly, so why not.
So I went perm, and the person who hired me was fired that week, and second, everyone but me on the team was fired, and third whatever we did was being done by automation or absorbed by others. So I didn’t have a lot to do. I had a lot of dotted line type bosses, since what I used to do affected a lot of departments, but I didn’t do any actual “work”, and no one asked me to do anything.
The division was spun off into its own billion dollar concern, then absorbed back into the parent company, to keep the liability levels down when Johnny Law gets curious. Each time, they give out stock grants or give tender offers above the current value, and like a good corporate drone I keep maxing out my employee stock profit share whatever thing to buy company stock at a discount so each time I come out well. I max out my 401k. I have every benefit that’s offered.
Since I was bored and had nothing to do, I would do odd jobs for other groups. Then that got automated, but somehow I’d get the credit as somehow being involved in it.
With all the layoffs and mergers anyone that knew me has been removed, arrested, jumped ship, or been laid off. I think the whole place has been taken over by an AI system and there are no more humans. I honestly have no idea. I’ve written glowing annual performance reviews and rated myself as horrible to see what would happen. I’ve written haikus in the “additional comments” section, but it’s always the same COLA annual delta regardless.
I started “working” from home often. Then stopped showing up entirely. No one noticed or said anything. I would ignore meetings just to see what would happen. Nothing.
I just went on vacations, a three day weekend here and there. Then travelled around the world a half dozen times. Nothing, just regular direct deposits kept coming. A healthy 401k match, nice stock options. W2 at the end of the year. Tons of standard corporate perks. I just moved $250k into bonds to hedge against some emerging market investments. I’ve earned none of it.
I’ve basically retired from a career I never had. I’m hoping I continue to get paid after I’m dead.
When people ask what I do, I usually tell them I’m unemployed. I don’t know how to answer the question. On official forms I say I’m a “consultant”. People assume I won the lottery or deal drugs, as I am always available to do things and travel a lot.
I wanted to buy a condo so I got a second job for a year. I bought my condo for cash. Now I have fewer bills and save even more money. All from working hard doing nothing.
In all the “employer” has paid out over two million dollars in salary and benefits for me to use their iPhone and bandwidth to binge watch Netflix and porn. I’m writing this on it now from a bar off Times Square on a “vacation”. I started drinking at 10:30am.
I have no idea where my employee badge is and would need FBI forensics to locate it. If found I wouldn’t use it, for fear of it triggering questions. If I do anything it might expose my “crimes” and I’ll be found out.
So no one was murdered, I didn’t cheat on a wife, and this is barely a “confession” other than I’m a useless corporate weasel sucking off the corporate tit. I’m not even sure they could sue me to get their money back as they never told me to do anything.
I get paid $120,000 a year and do nothing. My life is meaningless.

FirstWorldProblems

Edit: for those who think this is made up, I don’t know what to say. I can’t (and won’t) prove it, and not even sure how I would do so. This isn’t meant to slam some /r/hailcorporate type nonsense, some subtle stab at capitalism, or any of that shilling. I really do nothing. They keep sending me phone upgrades and I check my email once a week or so, and all I have is the standard corporate dross one gets at large businesses, message from the CEO and that crap.
It was a comedy of errors where I did something on the periphery of everyone but never had anything to do.
As a parallel, and not what I did, imagine you did Linux helpdesk support. Then they switch to using Windows, but to maintain “something” you needed to have a Linux support person on staff, so you keep them around but they do something else, now subtract the “something else”. Now manage a resource that has nothing to do but you can’t fire them. Sort of like that.
As far as the “legal” issues, I do 100% of the tasks assigned to me, which are zero. I don’t see how I’m doing anything fraudulent. I’m not shirking my responsibilities, I’m given none. It’s not my job to seek out things to do.
I asked /r/legaladvice and this was their opinion.
https://old.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/bhcngs/newyorkemployment_law_i_do_nothing_and_get_paid/
So reddit’s Legal firm thinks I’m ok. For what it’s worth. .
Edit2: awarded a silver for confessing that I do nothing for six figures. What? Too cheap to spring for gold or platinum?
http://archive.is/wGQLT

I have become a forgotten employees for a few months at my job.

https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/5psadr/i_have_become_a_forgotten_employees_for_a_few/

This is in Texas.

About a year ago I was "fired" for something I did not do. Basically they thought I was stealing from the company and had me fired in the system before they informed me in person.

When they caught the real thief, literally 5 minutes before I got the axe, I got called into HR where they apologized to me profusely and told me they would be working to reinstate me without losing my tenure or my vacation time. They asked me if there was anything they could do in the mean time. I asked for the vacation right then and there which made HR real happy because me being gone for 2 weeks made it easy for them to unfuck the situation.

While on vacation I broke my leg and was wheelchair bound for a month. When I informed HR of this they offered me the satellite office for temporary use since it was literally one block away and I could get there safely using my wheelchair.

The company had a satellite office close to my house that was basically just 2 rooms. One had a desk power socket and internet access and the other was the bathroom. The office was purchased for an exec who was wheelchair bound because of cancer. The office stayed empty for a few months when her cancer went terminal and eventually she passed on. When I was offered it they moved my PC and everything out there getting me set up.

That was the last time I have had any face to face with anyone in the company. Even after my leg healed I did not return to the normal building. I stayed in the office until HR wanted to move someone else in.

Well that never came. Five months ago my department was shuttered. My boss, several employees, and a few other management people were quietly let go. Some kind of thing happened at the top that caused a lot of people to be let go. By this time I was pretty much using the office as a second home and had not had any real contact with anyone outside of emails and the occasional phone call.

Once this happened I was just coming in to work everyday completing my tasks until they stopped coming. Then I just came in every day waiting until the hammer fell. It never did.

I have been coming in every single day, walking since its only a 5 minute walk unless its raining, hooking up my gaming laptop and hopping on discord with my friends to play. Sometimes I will bring my ps4 or xbone into the office and play that too.

I have been using this office and collecting a paycheck for the last 5ish months with no contact other than the company wide emails and former coworkers of mine calling me asking how things are going. To put it into context of how much I have stopped caring, when I told my girlfriend about my job situation she came to visit me at work. I will keep it G rated here for you guys and will let you use your imaginations as to the nature of her visit. I do not state this to brag but merely to pain the picture of how things are at my current "job"

All of this brings us to today. I have been using my free time to also study for several PC certs and have finally acquired them. I am getting job offers for a few places that will be a pretty big step up from my current position.

What are the pros and cons of taking the new jobs without "quitting" my first job? I know that technically I am currently in the clear legally. But I want to know if that changes if I start working at another job and collecting two paychecks? I am guessing very much yes but wanted to know more. Does the situation change if one of the companies allows me to work from home and I use my office to work at both jobs?

Yes I know I am being incredibly greedy but I am legitimately wondering here cause its like a very lucky situation I find myself in and it would be a complete waste to throw it away without a good reason. As in I could get in legal trouble is a very good reason to throw it all away and work at the new job.

https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8qmayg/update_i_am_a_forgotten_employee_who_has_been/

I post this a year ago.

https://np.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/5psadr/i_have_become_a_forgotten_employees_for_a_few/

Since that time I got denied for the second job and basically been coasting by until I landed another position and turned in my two weeks notice.

Recently I found a position at a tech firm that will allow me to work from home, is easier than what I used to do, and pays more. Basically tired of doing nothing even though Im getting paid for it.

The day after I mailed the keys to the satellite office back to the corporate office I got a phone call exactly at 8 AM. The head of HR for the former company wanted to speak with me in person. I asked her if there were any issues such as equipment that was not returned. She stated that there were no issues like that. They just had some questions about my job function over the last year.

I told her that they should have that information as head of HR and promptly disconnected stating I had to return back to work. She called back at 12:05 exactly.

I have been ducking her calls ever since. Her voicemails state that I am required to come into her office to discuss a few things. My emails with her have asked if there is anything that needs to be returned or issues with company property. Each time I am assured it is nothing like that, but that they need me to come into their office to discuss this with me in person. She calls at least once per day.

I am thinking I just need to ignore her until she either escalates or goes away.

How incredibly bad is that plan? Before anyone says it. I know... I know ok I should have quit a long time ago. I did not.

EDIT: Texas

I have slipped through the cracks at my company and have not done anything for the past month

https://www.reddit.com/r/jobs/comments/3dfnuq/i_have_slipped_through_the_cracks_at_my_company/

As the title implies I have been going into work for the past month, sitting at my desk and surfing the web (mostly reddit) or playing computer games silently, and then going home.

Some backstory, I used to work in a department that was quite autonomous within the company and was actually created by my boss who was an associate VP in the company. I was hired directly (circumventing the usual HR procedures) by my boss as an executive assistant because he was a family friend. It was a pretty decent paying job for a recent grad and I was kept moderately busy answering calls, scheduling, preparing presentations/reports, etc.

However, my boss was fired last month and the department was shutdown (my company leases office buildings and my boss wanted to start leasing industrial properties as well and failed) so all the coworkers in my department were either let go or reassigned. The problem is that when HR was going through this process and interviewing my coworkers, I was never called to meet with them (probably due to the way I was hired).

While my department was being dismantled I kept coming into the office and going to my original desk. The peculiar thing is that when new employees were being moved into my department's area of the building no one was assigned to the executive's office so therefore no one was assigned to the executive assistant desk. The new employees that moved in were mostly overflow from different departments so no one really works together or has the same manager. It's been a month and no one has really questioned what I do or what department I'm a part of (I can easily deflect any work related small talk), and I'm still getting paid.

I'm pretty certain if I bring attention to my situation I will be immediately fired because I was the specially hired executive assistant to a VP who lost the company a fair bit of money. I have been looking for alternative jobs but all the jobs that I'm qualified for don't pay nearly as much as what I currently make. Also, I would have to actually do work if I got a new job. The only reason I still come into work is that I don't want to throw up any red flags because each employee is recorded entering and leaving the building by scanning their badge.

I'm thinking about riding this gravy train as long as I can before I eventually get found out and fired. Any comments or suggestions are welcome.

https://www.reddit.com/r/jobs/comments/3g15f6/update_i_have_slipped_through_the_cracks_at_my/

Thank you to everyone who commented on my previous post, your comments gave me some more motivation to look for another job before I inevitably get discovered and fired. That being said, I have not been able find another real job as of yet but I have gone for several interviews so that's promising.

Anyways on to the good bit. Its been almost 3 weeks since my last post and I have still gone completely unnoticed by everyone which is simultaneously a relief and really depressing. It's the lack responsibility and purpose that's becoming increasingly maddening. Similar to u/notdoingshit, I have discovered that not doing anything all day is worse than actually doing some work. Playing video games and surfing the web all day don't make the days go by faster anymore. Therefore, in the past week I have started working under the table for my aunt when I'm in the office instead of sitting there and doing nothing. I know this is a very ethically dubious thing to do but the money's good and it's helping me pay off my debts.

Some background, my aunt runs a small specialty store by herself and receives a lot of email inquiries that she can barely keep up with. She knew about my situation and asked me to help her respond to these emails. Basically all her emails are forwarded to a gmail account I setup and I spend probably 3-4 hours everyday responding to inquiries and forwarding relevant ones to my aunt. Doing this is helping me to stay sane as well as padding my wallet ($400 a week). I have asked her and she can't afford to pay me full time and I can't afford to work part time, so I can't leave my job unless I find another decent full time job, which I'm still looking for. I know that I will most likely be discovered at the end September during the quarterly review, but if I have to I'm gonna hold on to the very end.

I just wanted to share how I have descended deeper into the rabbit hole. I will welcome any comments or suggestions that you guys have about my situation.

https://www.reddit.com/r/jobs/comments/3is4it/update_2_i_have_slipped_through_the_cracks_at_my/

Things have been pretty quiet at my work for the past 3 weeks. I still come into work everyday, spend the mornings answering my aunt's emails and my afternoons looking for other jobs and aimlessly surfing the web. However, I may be facing a huge problem this Friday.

There is a mandatory picnic/corporate team building thing this Friday that involves each employee being separated into departmental teams, which is problematic because the department that I was previously a part of no longer exists. It's the most important event of the year for our company and attendance is absolutely mandatory. Of course you can miss it if you're sick or have a personal matter, but due to a fair number of people calling in sick at last year's event all employee absences will be reviewed and verified by HR, and they will conduct in-person interviews if necessary. I cannot attract even the smallest amount of attention from HR without risking being discovered as a corporate leech so I don't think calling in sick is an option. However, I can't participate in the team building exercises without it being discovered that I'm not currently assigned to any department and I'm in a state of perpetually paid limbo.

The best idea that I've come up with so far is to come the picnic with crutches and pretend that I've sprained my ankle or something, so I can fulfill the attendance requirement and just watch the team building exercises and not take part of them (based on the itinerary most of the events are active and involve being on your feet), but then again doing this will attract attention to myself which is a very bad thing when management and HR are around. I welcome any suggestions on the best way to get out of this predicament.

https://www.reddit.com/r/jobs/comments/3jjs1n/update_3_i_have_slipped_through_the_cracks_at_my/

Sorry for the delay in my update I've actually been going for interviews (two interviews so far) this week at an unnamed multinational insurance company, so I've been busy preparing and generally stressing out.

Anyways, on to the events of last Friday's company picnic. I did think about not showing up like many of you suggested but I was sure there was an attendance sheet so I thought of another way to go about things. I arrived at the picnic about 15 mins early when everyone was still busy setting up things, found the attendance sheet (or rather booklet) at the sign in table which was thankfully unattended, and discretely rifled through it until I found my name and signed next to it. I then shuffled away to the parking lot, and drove home to spend the rest of the day drinking beer and watching an ungodly number of Narcos episodes.

The interesting thing is that when I found my name on the attendance sheet I saw that I was listed as belonging to my former, now defunct, department. If the names had been sorted by department it would have raised some red flags but thankfully they were sorted alphabetically so all the departments were jumbled together and I was lost in fray. I'm just one misplaced entry in some spreadsheet or database that someone like me has been too lazy to double-check.

Hopefully I get called back for the third and final interview for the insurance company so I can finally leave this job.

https://www.reddit.com/r/jobs/comments/3skia2/update_4_i_have_slipped_through_the_cracks_at_my/

I apologize for the two month delay after my last post but there have been some very big developments in my employment/living situation and I've been very busy (also I forgot). I was eventually able to find another job for which I had to relocate to another city (not a big deal it's only an hour from where I originally lived).

Anyways onto the good stuff. About two weeks after my previous post, I interviewed for my current job and was offered a position so I had to find a way to quit without drawing any attention to myself. I waited all week until Friday at 3pm, which is when all the pay cheques are sent out, and then I waited another hour and a half before I went to HR to submit my resignation. As I expected the HR person I was directed to speak to about ending my employment was barely functioning (it was 4:30 on a Friday). She barely acknowledged me and just gave me a form to fill out and told me she would enter all the information into the system on Monday morning and then follow up with me. After that I walked out of the building and decided to treat myself to some ice cream before I went home to finish packing up my things for my move the next day. I did receive a call from the HR lady Monday morning and she asked why I was listed as being a part of a defunct department and who my supervisor was. I kinda panicked and told her I didn't know what she was talking about and that all of my information should be in the system before telling her I had to go and hanging up. I guess that worked because I have not received any other calls or emails from that company for the last two months.

This is will probably be my last post about the situation I was in unless something similar happens to me at my new job which I hope doesn't happen. Thanks for reading and commenting on all my posts.